15: A Crumpled Classroom.

We spoke this morning about the last judgment. A day both terrible and wonderful at the same time. The All-Knowing Judge on the throne.
We have a behavior system in our class, the classic green-yellow-red cards thing. You start on green in the morning, then change your card when you disobey, and there are consequences for changed colors. As we spoke about the Great and Terrible Day, I revealed their card-holder, with every card flipped to red. Gasps. This is very important to them, the color they are on.
Every one of us is utterly 'red' in His sight.
(I'm glad I don't have any kids who are denying that they're sinners. That's a good thing. Every one agreed they do wrong.)
We should tremble at the idea of judgment, at the knowledge that every deed will be revealed. We talked about those deeds.
And then we witnessed the wonder
of being covered by the 'green' of Jesus. The only perfect, truly 'green' one covers our red card with His perfect righteousness. And God sees green. We talked about how to know this will be true of us.

And then the rest of the day began.
They were HORRENDOUS. ALL DAY. To a level I've not experienced for a week or two now. I cried a little once I'd dropped them off at their outside class. So did my aide.
They seem
impenetrable.
Fortresses against learning.
Battlements against obedience.
Every. Word. ignored.
Every action unspeakably wild, cruel, disrespectful, or immature.
Why, oh why, are there Kindergarteners who know the F-word? Lord, save us.
And why do they look for evil in everything?
Oh how they need the clothing of Christ.
Oh how I need the clothing of Christ.
God, forgive me for when my heart gives up on these children.

I long for them to be more inquisitive. More articulate,
as I KNOW children their age can be.

Wild lumps of disobedience and foul thoughts -- is this all they want to be? All they will let themselves be? God STOP their self-destructive behavior.
God, get me through this with some glimmer of hope.