Yesterday I saw my black-red blood
Flow out through narrow pipes to fill clear tubes.
So quick, so dark, so essential;
so mysterious -- to be allowed to see it so
exposed (!).
Today, I drink the cup,
Your blood.
I taste the bitter resolution.
And the color strikes me deep,
Echoing the flow that today I cannot see,
behind my skin
still running.
And I lift my hands in praise of how
You unify the Seen and Known,
the Now and Then. Of how
You honor the tangible.
You became the tangible.
Your blood,
poured out for me.I take, I taste,
again, again, this
Bitter beauty. Brightest mercy.
Washed without
By what runs within.
Washed within
By what flowed out.
Blood-giver,
Take all mine.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Friday, January 09, 2009
waiting. is active.
"I love you, gentlest of Ways,
Who ripened us as we wrestled with you."
(Rilke.) I love this because
He must be strong
to be a wrestler. Gentlest of ways, and mightier than that gentleness reveals.
Oh God, be OUR God. Be MY God. You are. You say it. The God who is protector, provider, who, for reasons we can never fathom, chooses to look out for our best interest.
You don't have to be erased. There is much in you that should be,
of course.
But He loves you. He loves you.
Looking back at old musings, scribblings, pourings-out of my mental and emotional adventures... I see how much the same I seem to stay,
always trying to Figure Things Out, so often sure that I am wrong for being what I am,
and crying out for more of God. . .
I find things in the old writings. And so,
since I have not much to say, or ability to say it, in these present days,
I think maybe I will put up some things from Ago. And see what stands forward and what fades, what is relevant in this season and what has not changed...and what has,
and where God has taken one person
in a few years of being and walking.
1. December 20, 2006. DFW Airport.
When I open my eyes
or turn around
or return from a walk through the far-off lands of 'E12,' 'E17' and 'E38'...
the lady in black jacket and baggy black pants with red racing stripe
has changed again, into a youngish Hispanic woman,
dark-haired, olive-skinned,
slouched and bored,
sloshing a newspaper around.
And then back again,
into a bulky old woman, grey-white hair slipping out of a wavy knot,
slouched and bored,
sloshing a newspaper around.
Same black jacket, same baggy pants, same chair, same shoes.
Airport agents,
presumably preventing people from slipping in where they shouldn't.
Grey-haired lady sometimes jumps into conversations of passing dazed families, to use her superknowledge, saying,
"No, it's right out here."
Sometimes they believe her.
Sometimes not.
Today I'm like this: in the restroom, in a line with two other women, a third washing her hands,
I had to stop myself from saying
"Hello, friends."
Because we are friends, we could be friends, we are compatriots and passers-by in the lifestream.
And there are times, so many, when I nearly say it, nearly welcome in with open arms
all the people
,many faces,
all I could have known,
that come across me.
Every face is a friend I love and want to help.
But what do I say to them that they will want
or understand...?
The Holy Spirit leads.
Today I know it, deep and sure and happily contented.
........
Salesmen,
salesmen,
always salesmen.
'field.' 'constituency.' 'consistency.' 'tractor.' 'see ya up there.' 'take care.' 'reservation.' 'take the job.' 'stupid if he doesn't.' 'knows the system.'
....
Television news voices are abhorrent. abhorrible. awful and horrible. terrible and sharp, false and vapid. sticky and meaningless. thoughtless and perky ...
Oblomov gave up on finding real bright light in the world through his own experience, through true and vocal and beautiful love, person-to-person... Quiet, news voices! Quiet!
"Relax." "Go wild." "Enjoy." "Indulge." Why do they throw imperatives at us? Why are they commanding me? Does that work better on people? Do we have some innate tendency to want to obey
such imperatives?
...
Bags make us all walk funnily.
Hunched or imbalanced, hulking or limping, panting and stopping.
What is all this we're carrying? What we 'need' to feel okay... are we meant to carry bags?
..............................
Minneapolis airport. same day.
in a chair.
coming off a red-faced conversation
on a plane
two tight seats and sporadic eye contact,
a middle-aged man all at sea in midair.
How do you help him?
a divorced man who talks about looking for someone...
you know Jesus would complete him
in a whole new way.
He drops hidden questions about your relationship status
and you get embarrassed for him
and rush past them.
I said JESUS
but it was hard to break through my own guard against his loneliness and his intentions...
a little boy who's grown too old for me to help easily ...
Lord, I'm sorry if I missed things I should have said
or ways I should have said...
did I come off as not as passionate about You -- as proud of You -- as I really am?
Or was I contextualizing for him, trying not to use Christian-ese?
Father, forgive me -- and now, Father, I pray for this person,
for revival and powerful, beautiful witness to enter his life.
Off he goes. I let those hours go,
sweeping off to You.
Thirsty for beautiful music.
crazy awful news voices are back again.
(how is 'celebrities caught doing ridiculous things' NEWS?)
Where am I going, again? Oh, yes. Saskatchewan...
You know
I scan the people for a kindred spirit
I imagine someone who would just sit down next to me, and we'd say
"It's you!"
and "Isn't it all...insane
,and full of color
, and full of life ?"
and it would be home.
That's You, though,
That's You.
.....
"CNN sends you best wishes for 2007."
What does that mean? Nothing. They don't know any of us;
and what are 'best wishes' -- and of what good?
A world in need of prayer.
Shall I go wash my hands, just for fun? Sure.
My seat will be taken. But I have hours to go before I fly
Yes, hours to go before I fly.
Who ripened us as we wrestled with you."
(Rilke.) I love this because
He must be strong
to be a wrestler. Gentlest of ways, and mightier than that gentleness reveals.
Oh God, be OUR God. Be MY God. You are. You say it. The God who is protector, provider, who, for reasons we can never fathom, chooses to look out for our best interest.
You don't have to be erased. There is much in you that should be,
of course.
But He loves you. He loves you.
Looking back at old musings, scribblings, pourings-out of my mental and emotional adventures... I see how much the same I seem to stay,
always trying to Figure Things Out, so often sure that I am wrong for being what I am,
and crying out for more of God. . .
I find things in the old writings. And so,
since I have not much to say, or ability to say it, in these present days,
I think maybe I will put up some things from Ago. And see what stands forward and what fades, what is relevant in this season and what has not changed...and what has,
and where God has taken one person
in a few years of being and walking.
1. December 20, 2006. DFW Airport.
When I open my eyes
or turn around
or return from a walk through the far-off lands of 'E12,' 'E17' and 'E38'...
the lady in black jacket and baggy black pants with red racing stripe
has changed again, into a youngish Hispanic woman,
dark-haired, olive-skinned,
slouched and bored,
sloshing a newspaper around.
And then back again,
into a bulky old woman, grey-white hair slipping out of a wavy knot,
slouched and bored,
sloshing a newspaper around.
Same black jacket, same baggy pants, same chair, same shoes.
Airport agents,
presumably preventing people from slipping in where they shouldn't.
Grey-haired lady sometimes jumps into conversations of passing dazed families, to use her superknowledge, saying,
"No, it's right out here."
Sometimes they believe her.
Sometimes not.
Today I'm like this: in the restroom, in a line with two other women, a third washing her hands,
I had to stop myself from saying
"Hello, friends."
Because we are friends, we could be friends, we are compatriots and passers-by in the lifestream.
And there are times, so many, when I nearly say it, nearly welcome in with open arms
all the people
,many faces,
all I could have known,
that come across me.
Every face is a friend I love and want to help.
But what do I say to them that they will want
or understand...?
The Holy Spirit leads.
Today I know it, deep and sure and happily contented.
........
Salesmen,
salesmen,
always salesmen.
'field.' 'constituency.' 'consistency.' 'tractor.' 'see ya up there.' 'take care.' 'reservation.' 'take the job.' 'stupid if he doesn't.' 'knows the system.'
....
Television news voices are abhorrent. abhorrible. awful and horrible. terrible and sharp, false and vapid. sticky and meaningless. thoughtless and perky ...
Oblomov gave up on finding real bright light in the world through his own experience, through true and vocal and beautiful love, person-to-person... Quiet, news voices! Quiet!
"Relax." "Go wild." "Enjoy." "Indulge." Why do they throw imperatives at us? Why are they commanding me? Does that work better on people? Do we have some innate tendency to want to obey
such imperatives?
...
Bags make us all walk funnily.
Hunched or imbalanced, hulking or limping, panting and stopping.
What is all this we're carrying? What we 'need' to feel okay... are we meant to carry bags?
..............................
Minneapolis airport. same day.
in a chair.
coming off a red-faced conversation
on a plane
two tight seats and sporadic eye contact,
a middle-aged man all at sea in midair.
How do you help him?
a divorced man who talks about looking for someone...
you know Jesus would complete him
in a whole new way.
He drops hidden questions about your relationship status
and you get embarrassed for him
and rush past them.
I said JESUS
but it was hard to break through my own guard against his loneliness and his intentions...
a little boy who's grown too old for me to help easily ...
Lord, I'm sorry if I missed things I should have said
or ways I should have said...
did I come off as not as passionate about You -- as proud of You -- as I really am?
Or was I contextualizing for him, trying not to use Christian-ese?
Father, forgive me -- and now, Father, I pray for this person,
for revival and powerful, beautiful witness to enter his life.
Off he goes. I let those hours go,
sweeping off to You.
Thirsty for beautiful music.
crazy awful news voices are back again.
(how is 'celebrities caught doing ridiculous things' NEWS?)
Where am I going, again? Oh, yes. Saskatchewan...
You know
I scan the people for a kindred spirit
I imagine someone who would just sit down next to me, and we'd say
"It's you!"
and "Isn't it all...insane
,and full of color
, and full of life ?"
and it would be home.
That's You, though,
That's You.
.....
"CNN sends you best wishes for 2007."
What does that mean? Nothing. They don't know any of us;
and what are 'best wishes' -- and of what good?
A world in need of prayer.
Shall I go wash my hands, just for fun? Sure.
My seat will be taken. But I have hours to go before I fly
Yes, hours to go before I fly.
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